Goodbye
by Cmdr's Monkey
Summary: Master Dooku is leaving the Order and wants to say goodbye to the only other person he has ever cared about. Dooku/Jocasta


Summary: Master Dooku is leaving the Order and wants to say goodbye to the only other person he has allowed himself to care about.

* * *

The Jedi Archives smelled of a sanitized room, there were little to no odors and those that were present either permeated from those wandering the aisles, sitting at the stations or from the few plant life allowed in the massive, two tiered chamber. However there was a quiet hum that reverberated throughout the place, from dozens of consoles and the rows of datastacks. There were voices, hushed whispers mostly, and the occasional laughter of children from upstairs somewhere. For a place that lacked the warmth of dusty, old tomes and the musty smell of paper and leather, the Jedi Archives still managed to radiate a sense of life, of being.

Perhaps it was because of all the knowledge that was stored here or even the fact that it was as peaceful as the gardens and waterfalls of the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Whatever it was that the grand library held, it still managed to lure the regal Jedi Master into wandering the aisles in search of that allure and as he wandered, two younglings watched from above, curious as to who he was and why he was there for they have never seen someone so tall or so old (even though he has only just begun to gray), not even Master Yoda counted.

Eventually the Jedi Master found something of interest between two rows of datastacks, another Master of equal age but shorter in height. She was unaware of his presence while she busily put away a pile of datastacks, elegantly balanced on the ladder. Only when she was coming down did he make his presence known to her by reaching around with a hand and deftly taking one of the remaining stacks from her pile. She protested in surprise and threw a dirty look to the Jedi Master before the remaining few of her pile flew away from her grip.

He chuckled softly at her indignant expression, "I see I can still manage to make you blush, my dear." The floating stacks gently settled on a nearby stand and was swiftly joined by the one he held.

"You..." her reply held little of the annoyance she had felt a moment before. There was only a soft smile gracing her lips at seeing him. "When did you get back?"

"Only this morning," he answered, "Though I have been held up by the Council for most of said morning and afternoon. I have finally managed to anger the Council into chasing me out of the chamber." He sounded amused as he spoke and the two younglings watching wondered what the Master had said to have angered the Council.

"Oh Yan, what have you done now?" she shook her head in amazement. He said nothing for a moment, his dark gaze flickering away to consider his answer. When he did not reply immediately, she stepped forward and reached up with a gentle hand to softly caress his bearded cheek, tenderly turning his face back toward her. "Please tell me."

He met her warm eyes and his shoulders seemed to relax and his harsh features appeared to melt away underneath her intense, but kind stare. With a heavy sigh of a man about to break terrible news to someone he cared about, he finally answered, "There will be a new Count of Serenno soon."

She stared at him in shock and it radiated through the Force. The younglings watching winced and a few nearby conversations paused as those Jedi picked up on her surprise. She looked confused and shook her head lightly to regain her wits and self-control.

"Why?" she asked him. He closed the gap between them as he lowered his voice.

"You know why, Jo," his hand gripped her arm firmly, but still tenderly enough. "There is nothing for me here anymore."

She stepped into him, shaking her head and placing a hand on his chest, her other returning to his face to gently caress again. He leaned in to her hand and softly turned his lips to kiss the tender flesh of her palm. She was amazed at how daft he could be sometimes. "There is still one more for you here. Stay with me, Yan."

He wrapped both of his arms around her and she rested her head against his shoulder. "I can't, it is already done." He sighed wistfully and allowed his eyes to close.

She embraced him, saddened that he was leaving the Order. She did not know what to say to him, to make him change his mind, not that she could anyway. Once he set his mind to something it was nigh impossible to get him to change it.

"Come with me," he gently implored a moment later. His soft lips gracefully ghosted the top of her head. "Come with me and we can have all that we've ever wanted."

"I cannot."

"Why not?" he gave her a confused, almost hurt look.

"Why not stay?" she answered and his reply was a gentle smile, a rarity from him.

"Because our paths lie elsewhere," he unhappily answered for both of them once his smile had faded. He reached up to touch her cheek with the tips of his fingers, knowing it probably would be the last time he ever got to caress her. "I wish you would reconsider. I am certain things could be arranged for you to still have access to this place."

She shook her head lightly and reached up to take his hand, saying nothing. There was nothing more that could be said. Neither of them were willing to give up the course they had set for themselves. He believed there was nothing left for him in the Order while she believed there was still plenty for her to still do.

"Please," she finally said to him, resting her head once more against his chest, listening to his heart beat strongly. "Let us not argue. If you must go, let this be a good memory for us both."

He entwined their fingers of the hand she held together and softly placed a tender kiss to her temple. "Agreed, love."

They stood like that for several long moments, the only sound between them their steady breathing and the quiet hum of electronics. The younglings above then saw them move, as if there was some unheard music the regal Master could only hear, leading her into a gentle and slow waltz between the rows of stacks.

The regal Master fondly held the one woman he has ever cared about, the hems of their robes kissing the polished floor with a ghostly touch as they danced to that unheard beat. Whispers of memories drifted through and around them, closing their eyes as they remembered both happy and sad times.

Of the first time they had met...

_In the crèche when his best friend had stolen the book she had been perusing in order to tease her and he had returned it when the teasing had brought her to tears. He had been rewarded with a shy smile and a name for his heroics._

_"Jocasta," he had whispered it back and forgetting to introduce himself to her. She had forgiven him and asked if he liked to read in which he said "Yes."_

_A new friendship started and would be the steady anchor he would cling to when an old one fell apart years later..._

Of dirt and ruins as...

_He died of boredom, twirling the hilt of his new lightsaber while sitting on the ledge of some ruined temple. The weapon slipped from his fingers as his focus shifted to the young Padawan sifting dirt for fragments. She looked up at the sound of something shattering and met his reddening gaze before he stared down at what his clumsiness had destroyed._

_She had not yelled at him like Master Cerulian had once the Corellian had found out. Instead she had gone over to him and kindly asked him to help her collect the pieces of the pottery and put it back together. Despite his mortification, he happily obliged._

Of rituals and trials...

_That signified a rite of passage for padawans as they become new Knights of the Republic, in which both he and Jocasta had succeeded in passing mere weeks apart. She told him what she intended to do and it hurt when he realized that they would not be gallivanting around the galaxy saving the Republic, for the life of a Jedi archeologist saw little action, especially of the likes that a Jedi diplomat encountered._

_"Who knows, maybe I will require your skills to negotiate with some long dead Sith so I can plunder his grave," she cheekily tried to cheer him up and he found he could not scowl at her sense of humor._

Of crashed training ships and mountain witches...

_That tried to claim the young male Knight for themselves and would have succeeded too if the only female Jedi present hadn't spoken up for him. She surprised him with a kiss when the witches had challenged her claim and before he could say or do anything, he found himself being ushered into one of the huts by her._

_"Jo?" he had asked in confusion once they were alone, the taste of her lips still fresh in his memory. He knew then and there that he would want her to kiss him again, wondering and half hoping she would and if she was feeling the same thing as he was._

_"You did read up on Dathomir did you not?"_

_"Erm... no." His ego deflated at the knowledge she had only done it because of something she knew about the natives that he did not. She explained the culture to him and as she did, his cheeks burned with mortified indignity at the thought of becoming an enslaved mate to these witches._

_The kiss she gave to his cheek cooled his pride as she warmly teased, "You're my mate for now, Yan."_

_He saw his feelings reflected in her eyes and he knew that their relationship had taken a new turn with that one, teasing statement. He decided he wouldn't mind being her mate forever either._

Of a real...

_First kiss shared behind a shelf of dusty old tomes in the Archives when he had found her putting away a new collection of scrolls found on Tython. He had been admiring the beauty of the focus that she gave in handling the ancient scrolls. The loving care and devotion she would give to her work, and he knew that he wanted to feel the same thing._

_So before she could leave the oldest part of the Archives, he had taken the opportunity and kissed her. She had been surprised by it all and took a moment longer before she returned his kiss with equal passion, telling him at last she felt the same as he did._

Of an evening spent...

_In each others arms after having watched a new opera at the Galactica Opera House years later. As they lay there with her resting against him, listening to his heartbeat and tracing the few scars he's earned over the years, neither of them wanted the night to end. _

_For once it did, it would mean going back to the life that looked upon what they had just shared as forbidden. He did not want the evening to end and said as much to her._

_"All things come to an end eventually, love," she told him sadly and his arm around her tightened a little._

_"We could make it last forever," he had argued. She looked up at him curiously but he saw the suspicion in her eyes, her fingers stilling on his chest. "We could leave the Order and go to Serenno."_

_"And what of our responsibilities to our padawans?" She had to mention Reus and Jerec. He let out a disappointed breath at being cornered but then came up with a counter to her argument._

_"I can wait until their trials," he offered and hoped she would be willing too. She did not answer him and instead chose to rest her head on his chest again and listen to his heartbeat once more._

Of pained cries...

_As she brought a new life into the world nine months after they had given in to their feelings on the night of the opera. The Stewjon mid-wife handed him the bundle of a baby boy while she tended to the infant's mother. He did not know what to do or say and only when the child had giggled and played at the locks of his long hair was he able to finally find the words._

_"My son," he whispered reverently._

_"What shall we name him?" came her exhausted reply and he moved over to her so she could see their child. A child they would never get to see again because of what they were but he promised that his family would take care of him._

_"Ben."_

_"A strong name." He smiled softly and gave her the newborn. "It suits him."_

Of fear and anger

_When the Council found out about the child three years later when a Jedi had visited Serenno and discovered the boy by accident. Even with the threat of expulsion he had refused to tell them who the mother was in order to protect her. But his efforts were in vain when she revealed herself to protect him from being expelled. The full extent of their relationship was then laid bare before the Council and if she had not been there to cool his seething temper, he would have done something incredibly stupid as they were questioned and they answered in reluctant detail._

_In the end neither were expelled from the Order but he would have preferred it to the punishment they had been given. A reassignment of their current paths to new ones that would keep them apart for long periods. For her, her new duties now kept her entirely at the Temple within the Jedi Archives as one of the archivists, a path the Council knew she could adjust to well._

_However for him, he was reassigned to the Outer Rim where the conflicts and disputes would keep him undercover and busy for long periods and which the Council had thought his skills as a diplomat would allow him to adjust easily. But he didn't, not simply because he was made in to a Shadow, but because _they_ had been taken from him._

_He would never fully recover from the loss that his new duties had stolen from him._

Of joy and love...

_Rediscovered after years apart when he came back from the Outer Rim with a new Padawan in tow and jumping onto the opportunity to hand over a copy of his report to the Chief Librarian. Once he was there in the Archives, he shirked the task to his Padawan and sought the real reason he wanted to come there._

_He found her cataloging a pile of new data stacks in a back room and when she saw him, the smile she wore at seeing him again made all the years apart worth enduring. _

_"You're back!" she exclaimed quietly and embraced him once he had drawn near enough. He then kissed her and the next thing either of them knew was the clattering noise of the data stacks as they accidentally knocked them off the table._

_He did not care and made sure she didn't either once the door to the back room was closed and locked._

Of worry...

_When he came back again, but this time in a medical capsule after a mission had gone sour far too quickly for him to react to. His Padawan was dead and he was half alive himself and as she watched him float in the green bacta, she knew the only reason he had survived at all was because of the bonds he had formed with the locals._

_"Qui-Gon would be proud of you," she whispered to his unconscious form and she swore she saw him stir at the sound of her voice. She chose to continue to talk to him as he slumbered, telling him what was new in the archives and that she had taken on a new Padawan herself, a human female named Olee Starstone._

_But as the days passed and he still slept in the bacta tank, she grew more worried that he might not wake up again. "I do not know if you really can hear me, but please come back, Yan."_

_A gentle touch on her mind told her he _had_ heard her._

Of death and destruction...

_As they defended the Temple from the Yinchorr invaders, with the regal Jedi Master holding his ground at the doors of the Jedi Archives. He was joined by the newly appointed Chief Librarian as her green blade pierced the cranium of a Yinchorri that had flanked him._

_"You're getting old, Yan," she chided teasingly as their backs met and they stood before the closed doors of the Archives._

_"I would have dealt with him," he scoffed back. "I simply was being generous and let you have one." A green blade there followed by a blue ended another life, it's smoking remains laying with the rest of the growing pile of slain Yinchorri._

_"Just like you let me have that one too?" He smiled at her, one of the few rare gems he graced her with and he knew she liked it when he did._

Of despair and sense of loss...

_During a conversation about the newly elected Supreme Chancellor. It had been a heated argument more than anything, their opinions of the state of affairs in the Republic and how it should be dealt with differing greatly between them when he had felt it._

_"Yan?" her concerned voice pierced the ringing noise in his ears as he clutched at his chest as if he were having a heart attack. She gripped his arm when he lost his knees and helped him to a nearby bench, his breath heaving._

_"Qui-Gon..." His voice choked and tears were brimming in his dark eyes. "He's... " He couldn't say it. He did not need to for her to understand that something terrible had happened to the former Padawan to leave his master in such a state._

_She embraced him, a similar turmoil of emotions radiating off her at the loss. He stiffened slightly in her arms for a moment before relaxing and letting her hold him. "There is no death..." she whispered softly to him and he could hear the slight quiver in her voice as she spoke._

_"There is only the Force," he finished in a strangled whisper, finding no comfort in the words except only in her voice._

Of a quiet breath and the hum of electronics as they held each other in an embrace, their unheard music coming to an end and the hems of their robes settling quietly about their feet once more. She did not want him to leave and he wanted her to come with him, but neither could convince the other.

He drew back to look upon her once more. "I will miss you."

"You will come back, like always." They knew it was untrue. This was not like one of his long term missions where he would be away for years and then come back with tales of his adventure and a heart full of longing and love. This time his mission was eternal and they both knew it.

He wanted to laugh at the irony of how the Council had tried to end their attachments by separating them. Which only ended up strengthening their love. In the end it was they who would end things with him leaving and her staying.

He kissed her lips tenderly, remorsefully. She held his face in both of her hands as she returned his kiss. There was only the two star-struck lovers between the rows and all of the Archives, neither caring if another saw them, for what could be done to them now that has not already been done by others or themselves?

"Come with me," he tried once more against her lips, his forehead resting against her own and she shook her head minutely in reply.

"Stay with me."

They said nothing for the longest time, only holding onto each other, as they dragged out this moment for as long as possible. Once it ended there would be no other. There would be no turning back. There would be only an end of one life as a new one began. Jocasta only hoped that he would find the purpose and purity of faith he had been seeking that he had lost with the Jedi.

"You will keep in touch?" she asked of him, looking up to meet his dark gaze. She saw a sadness in his eyes despite the warm smile he wore.

"Of course, when my new life permits it." He saw her curious look and answered the unspoken question. "I was thinking of going into politics. Perhaps I could bring about change that way."

"Politics seems to suit you." He smiled at her approval but Jocasta sensed that there was something more behind it, like she was not going to really approve of his choice. He reached up to softly caress her cheek with his knuckles, his smile becoming more genuine and warm.

"I should go," he said and watched as she captured his hand to keep him there.

"Stay a while longer." She was saddened and it pained him that things were ending between them simply because a difference of belief in what they could do for the galaxy. But he knew she would not enjoy where his new path led him and he would not see her ruined by it.

"I cannot," he regretfully replied. "My flight departs in an hour and we would only make this harder on the both of us."

"A little too late for that, love," she replied with the same quiet sadness from a moment ago. She pulled back too look upon him, to commit every fiber of his being to memory. Seven decades of hardship and danger had not aged this man, this Jedi Master she had loved for half a lifetime. But although he was physically as fit and handsome as a man half his age, she could see the wariness in his spirit from watching the galaxy tear at each others throats like a pack of blood wolves and being unable to do little to stop it.

She did not want to admit that this day had been long in coming, for it meant facing her fear of losing him finally. He must have sensed that fear for he reached up once more with an aged hand and gently caressed the side of her face with his fingers, following the contours to brush back a lock of graying hair behind her ear.

"Do not fear that which is not yet lost, my love," Dooku whispered to her and tilted her chin up so he could place one last kiss upon her lips. The two younglings on the terrace above watched in fascination as the two Jedi Masters embraced and shared in each others affection before finally parting with a reluctance borne from heavy hearts. He pulled away, turning and letting her hand slip from his fingers as he walked away from her, away from all that he had worked for and loved.

Madame Jocasta Nu watched him disappear from her library, willing herself to not allow the tears brimming in her eyes to fall. She knew she had finally lost him despite his parting words to her. The final kiss he had graced her with had not been a _good bye_, but rather a farewell of stoic despair that she would have expected from a man walking to his fate and not from him.

She softly whispered him the familiar parting, hoping he would find his way again and come home, "The Force will be with you always. I will be with you always, my love."

_/Always._/


End file.
